As of today, I am no longer employed. Today was my last day before my maternity leave. I am not planning to return to working outside the home for the very long forseeable future (as long as I am raising my children).
It feels so…
weird…
and emotionally draining. It’s a lot of pressure. Probably pressure that I’m putting on myself… or rather fear perhaps. Fear of the unknown… nervousness… trepidation…
I’ve only been wanting this job (as a stay-at-home-mom) for like my entire life, so what’s the problem? (Other than the fact that I have absolutely no training, no idea what to expect, terrifying stories from everyone including the guy who sold me a new pillow at Sleep Country Canada, and am assuming the full responsibility for another human being and how he or she turns out).
Gulp.
I’ve been so busy with work I haven’t had time to think about this. But yeah, now I have time. 10 days ’til D-day. 9 tomorrow. 8 the next day. This countdown has to end somewhere, and I’m just not sure I’m ready!
I’m sure these feelings are all normal (the great internet says so). I know that in my head. But my heart is about ready to jump out of my chest and abandon ship for fear of what’s to come.
Let’s just get this whole labour thing over with, please? I think the only way to cure my fears is to give birth and dive into the role of “mom” headfirst. This “may” sound crazy, but there’s a little voice in my head telling me that I’ll be fine, and that God is ultimately in control and loves this baby more than even me.
So… baby? God? You both hear me? Let’s get this show on the road, eh?
Bring on the raspberry leaf tea…
